How Do I Make Connection?

We are not 5 years old anymore. If we were, making connection with others might not be such a problem! We might just skip up to another 5 year old on the playground and ask, “Do you want to be my friend?” It would be that easy! But what can we do now?

Start by evaluating your connections. Remember the 3 types? Collective, Relational and Intimate. Which do you need to strengthen? Which do you care most about? Be honest about your social habits. Do you want to strengthen existing friendships or make new ones? You might want to reach out to people you already know: the woman at the gym, or someone you remember from a group you were both in. Common interests are a great way to connect with others. Maybe you notice a fellow walker at the lake. Stop her one day and say hello! Your interest in walking might be your connection.

But, meeting new people is also an exciting way to make connection!
Meeting new people? This might bring a stress response to your nervous system, similar to this—YIKES!! But sometimes if you have exhausted option #1 of reaching out to connections that you are familiar with, such as your collective or relational connections, and you just need a different angle, you might have to get out there to see what happens when you meet someone new. Author Jennie Allen says it will almost always be awkward! But when you have the chance to make eye contact, smile or start a meaningful conversation with an appropriate potential friend at your child’s game, the grocery store or yoga class, do it!

Which leads us straight into the next problem! What is MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION? And what is wrong with small talk? So many questions, right? Nothing is wrong with small talk at first. Sometimes it is necessary to begin a conversation at an appropriate level. Diving too deep would be uncomfortable for most people, but to advance the relationship or future relationship at all, meaningful conversation is needed. Here are some examples of how to move small talk to meaningful conversation:

“How are you?” moves to “What’s your story?”
“What do you do for a living?” becomes “What’s the most interesting thing about your line of work?”
“I grew up in Augusta, KS” might be “The best part of my childhood was my crazy hometown neighborhood!”

Meaningful conversation is useful for both old and new connections. But what do you do when you have made this meaningful connection with someone new in a conversation. Then what?
After you have reached out and practiced starting meaningful conversation, you might want to build an environment to GATHER. Scooters does work, of course, but Jennie Allen, in her book, “Finding
Your People” has a great suggestion. She says to start with a fire pit! Doesn’t it sound great to be invited over to someone’s fire pit? Next, get some comfy chairs
and face them toward each other. Get s’mores or drinks and then… you start INVITING! Don’t worry if people say no, they will, keep inviting anyway. When one new or old friend comes, or maybe you invite more, start some meaningful conversation with meaningful questions that you are prepared to answer, as well! Be sure of this: you aren’t the only one needing connection. Everyone does! So be the one to make it happen for yourself and for others! If you try this, email me!! I’d love to hear about it!