The expression of feelings comes easily for some people and almost impossible for others. But one involuntary symptom of feeling is crying. Sometimes we can control it, but as we all have experienced, at other times the tears just come without warning!

The Wisdom of the Heart!

When we think February, we think valentines, love and hearts. However, the heart comes up on a daily basis for me in my work with clients. Just this week in talking with one client about how she was able to do something amazing, I commented it was from her heart. She put both hands on her chest as if grabbing for her heart and said, “Yes, it all comes from my heart!”

I don’t know about you, but I don’t feel very great very often. In fact, I don’t know if I ever feel “great.” Yet, I know I should recognize and acknowledge the “great” things about me. We all should learn to acknowledge those things in us that make us who we are, but it’s hard to see the value in them sometimes.

Are we even aware of them? How do we find them? Everyone else seems to be smart, organized, caring or funny.

We all know, in years past there has been a stigmas attached to mental health issues and admitting that you go to therapy. Fortunately, this is being dispelled by today’s younger generations, thanks in part, to social media. In past years, I have even been hesitant to talk about my job, based on my own preconceived notions of what someone might think about me. More recently though, I have responded directly when I correct them at the doctor’s office for example, “I am a psychotherapist, not a physical therapist.” It happens all the time! Is it that you think no one could actually be a PSYCHOtherapist? Surely, you mean, physical?

“There’s that thought about the sky falling again,” you say to yourself. Are you playing a character out of your favorite childhood fable? No, you are practicing COGNITIVE DEFUSION. If you remember from last month’s blog, naming the thought is step 2 in the cognitive defusion process. Cognitive Defusion is a way of externalizing anxious thoughts to take the power out of them and relieve the anxiety that the unnecessarily cause. RECOGNIZING THE NEGATIVE THOUGHT is the first step.

“Don’t dwell on it! Stop ruminating. Why are you so worried? ”These are some words of advice that are often given to us when we are anxious. I have a phrase to offer, however, based on the research of how the human brain actually works, that is going to sound different from all of these: WHAT WE RESIST, PERSISTS! In other words, the harder we try to not think about our anxiety or an anxious thought, the more we are going to think about it. This is called the “rebound effect” and creates a cycle where the more suppressing of the anxious thought there is, the more persistent the thought becomes.

What relationships do you have that you might be overlooking, or maybe have become less connected with over time for some reason. Have you considered your siblings as a close connection? Have you thought about the fact that the sibling relationship is possibly the longest one you will ever have? It’s not always easy to be the one to make the first move, put out a bid, extend an olive branch, but the results can be amazing! You can be the one to ask if things can be made right or if time has gotten away from you—you can be the one to say, “Hey, it’s been too long!”

Start by evaluating your connections. Remember the 3 types? Collective, Relational and Intimate. Which do you need to strengthen? Which do you care most about? Be honest about your social habits. Do you want to strengthen existing friendships or make new ones? You might want to reach out to people you already know: the woman at the gym, or someone you remember from a group you were both in. Common interests are a great way to connect with others. Maybe you notice a fellow walker at the lake. Stop her one day and say hello! Your interest in walking might be your connection.

This type of connection is called a Collective Connection. It is with people you share an affiliation with or a similar belief or similar faith, such as a church membership. Maybe in the case of this group, it was the shared desire to find comfort or solve their loneliness problem …